bliggety blogging from the american pavilion

The day hasn't even started, but I'm a little pooped. Sitting around in the American Pavilion, waiting for my shift to begin. There's something about this industry that confuses me. I feel like at home, and maybe at Pomona, I'm one of the more ambitious ones, one of the more hardcore go-getters, and yet here, I feel like the laziest, most apathetic of the bunch. We are all an odd lot, but what seemingly defines the kids running around the festival is their (our?) sheer lust for success.

In this sense, I feel far behind. I can't escape the feeling that randomness is ultimately the only guide here, that the controllers of the universe will either plop ticket screenings into my lap and guide potential employers toward my table at the ampav, or else they won't. I don't feel that any amount of groveling, approaching strangers, lobbying for tickets, scamming for parties, or sucking up to staff members will make me any more likely to come out on top in this instance. Perhaps it defies logic (surely I am the only one I see taking this approach), and yet it just feels right. This place is all about the random game; it's not the 100th person you give your business card to who will end up hiring you -- it's the first RIGHT person you make a connection with.

In any case, I did approach Hollywood Reporter and Variety to ask if they needed writing interns. I may feel more lost than ever, and my future is always a nebulous array, but one thing has become abundantly clear: at the end of the day, I want to write about films. That's all. It's a comforting thought.

There was something else I was going to write about, but I forget. Something about how I sense a pattern in all this. I think that's the point of all this blogging: it's kind of scientific, empirical, jotting down a permanent record of my experiences and immediate reactions. Like those dieting freaks who write down all of their caloric intake, and then upon rereading can discover that the daily donut and milkshake might denote an unhealthy pattern, or that more dairy products could be a beneficial choice. I don't mean that my blog only points out the problematic, but still, it's indicative of things. Things for me and not for you! (though by the nature of my public words, I suppose I leave you open to the chore of analysis)

Okay that's all. Sleepy Lori.